29 Jul Our Top 5 Things We Do to Keep the Spark Shining Bright
Hey there! It’s so good to see you again! Life has been pretty hectic juggling the many hats I wear on a daily basis but it’s such a blessing when at the end of the day, you get to love on the ones you get up and do it for every day, am I right?
One thing we always try to do is make sure our whole home feels loved! In doing that, however, it’s quite easy to miss each other. I mean, with the children, the jobs, the chores and activities, it gets difficult to not crash before we tend to each other’s needs! But after constant communication with each other, and ourselves , we have come up with ways to ensure we both feel we are getting what we need from the other person and our love languages are fulfilled!
Here are our top 5 ways we like to keep that spark alive:
- Remember that the other person needs reassurance as much as you do! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve complained to my friends about how he is gone the whole day at work and I never hear from him. A friend of mine had to shake my world up a bit and remind me that maybe he is thinking the same thing! That maybe he needs to be reminded he is loved through his day as well! Now, I text or call everyday just to remind him he is on my mind and when I say he did a 180, he totally flipped the script! It also has filled welcoming each other home with so much more joy and love whether than frustration cause we both had a crazy day and either dont want to talk or want to talk at the same time!
- Make date night possible, NOT MATTER WHAT! This is a big one simply because the reality is, some villages aren’t what they used to be! I know in our home, date nights aren’t at all how frequent they used to be. If you allow that to get in your way, you’ll look up and feel like you have a roommate instead of a partner! That used to be us and it almost destroyed us! He was getting acquainted withhis new promotion at work, we had a new baby and had only been married for a little over a year. It was a pretty dark time in our home but once we began to communicate more effectively, we realized that its ok that we have to date each other a little differently, as long as we do so as often as life will allow. Now, a movie with popcorn on the couch, a card game or just holding each other are our best times together! We get to talk and have fun without all the fuss! We still enjoy getting cute and hitting the town but we are so ok if that doesn’t happen often!
- Ask the question, “What do you need from me?” You’ll be surprised how often we just keep going, and going, and going, and going without ever voicing that we are in need of something, anything! The saying goes, “closed mouths don’t get fed,” but we realized early in marriage that doesn’t apply to couples! Usually, they are going constantly because they are trying to take care of you! So, as a way to say, “thank you for all you do,” you can ask what they need in return! You’ll be shocked at how that simple gesture will turn their spirits, and yours! It’s a gesture of love and appreciation that takes 2 mins to make! Once we saw that was all it took, our ship sailed so much smoother!
- Don’t forget to flirt as often as possible, no matter who’s around! There is nothing better than walking by your man and you get a little tap from behind that catches you off guard but put a huge smile on your face, am I right ladies!? Or he walk in after a fresh cut and you give him the “eye,” he knows what that means, right?!? This coincides with the whole reassurance thing! The flirt, even if it stays just that, can change how your whole day goes simply because it will pop up in your head at the right time ALL DAY! Intimacy, in any form, is so vital to a relationship! Don’t ever get to comfortable where you forget those physical needs exist! I get touched several times a day, even when I don’t want to be lol but it makes every bad thing that happens seems so mediocre and I’m excited to be in his presence again!
- Last but not least, realize that what you both wanted/needed in the beginning has now changed and that’s ok, as long as you do the work to adapt to the change! Study the 5 love languages (I’ll link the book on amazon at the end). It can really open your mind to what exactly it is your partner desires and your desires as well. Sometimes, we feel like we are doing it right and because they love us so much, they will never say we aren’t! That doesn’t mean, however, that we are and that’s why studying the languages is so important. Once you get down to the exact needs of the other person, all the other 4 things I mentioned will come easy.
Marriage is an amazing, beautiful thing but it’s not promised to stay that way without the work! Let us always remember that nothing good in life is necessarily easy so we may have to get our hands dirty but that love in the end is worth every bit of it!
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“5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman
“5 Love Languages Quiz”